Dr. Rajesh Bhola
India
May 11, 2012
Anuj came to see me because he feels that his life has become meaningless, since he missed out on a promotion. Many people feel this inner emptiness at some point of time in their lives. It is not unusual.
Anuj should be happy. He has a good wife, and successful children settled in Canada. He owns a comfortable house, and a sedan car. At work he holds a senior position in a public sector bank. He has income that is more than adequate for his needs. Somehow, it does not make him happy. In his career, he has grown up thinking and believing that he will attain happiness only if he is promoted regularly.
He feels that he has been tricked. In his mind, he has done all the right things; but the desired reward has not arrived. He feels that he has kept his half of the bargain – while the other party has not kept his/her/their word. Who the other party is, he is not sure. And in order to mitigate the feelings of ‘failure’, he quite often drinks more alcohol than he should.
He has been taken in by the promise that worldly success will make him happy. Anuj does not really participate in his job – or his car, or his nice house. The ‘happiness’ he thinks is his due lies beyond these things. In his mind these are means to an end, not the end in itself. He is in flight from the ‘failures’ and ‘suffering’ in his life – rather than enjoying the actual pleasures that are already available to him. He is not focused in the present moment.
These ‘failures’ and ‘suffering’ are not unbearable – in the sense of being acutely painful, like a severe physical injury might be. However, the psychological pain of being ‘in flight’ from the present reality of one’s life can be more disabling than the effect of a physical injury.
I advised Anuj to visit some of his old colleagues and friends; specially those who have never ‘achieved’ regular promotions, and are yet leading happy and contended lives. After meeting a few of them, he reached a greater acceptance of the position he had already attained, and became happier again – like a flower opening in the sunshine, after the storm clouds have passed. He started living in the present. υ
Dr. Rajesh Bhola is President of Spastic Society of Gurgaon and is working for the cause of children with autism, cerebral palsy, mental retardation and multiple disabilities for more than 20 years.
India
May 11, 2012
Anuj came to see me because he feels that his life has become meaningless, since he missed out on a promotion. Many people feel this inner emptiness at some point of time in their lives. It is not unusual.
Anuj should be happy. He has a good wife, and successful children settled in Canada. He owns a comfortable house, and a sedan car. At work he holds a senior position in a public sector bank. He has income that is more than adequate for his needs. Somehow, it does not make him happy. In his career, he has grown up thinking and believing that he will attain happiness only if he is promoted regularly.
He feels that he has been tricked. In his mind, he has done all the right things; but the desired reward has not arrived. He feels that he has kept his half of the bargain – while the other party has not kept his/her/their word. Who the other party is, he is not sure. And in order to mitigate the feelings of ‘failure’, he quite often drinks more alcohol than he should.
He has been taken in by the promise that worldly success will make him happy. Anuj does not really participate in his job – or his car, or his nice house. The ‘happiness’ he thinks is his due lies beyond these things. In his mind these are means to an end, not the end in itself. He is in flight from the ‘failures’ and ‘suffering’ in his life – rather than enjoying the actual pleasures that are already available to him. He is not focused in the present moment.
These ‘failures’ and ‘suffering’ are not unbearable – in the sense of being acutely painful, like a severe physical injury might be. However, the psychological pain of being ‘in flight’ from the present reality of one’s life can be more disabling than the effect of a physical injury.
I advised Anuj to visit some of his old colleagues and friends; specially those who have never ‘achieved’ regular promotions, and are yet leading happy and contended lives. After meeting a few of them, he reached a greater acceptance of the position he had already attained, and became happier again – like a flower opening in the sunshine, after the storm clouds have passed. He started living in the present. υ
Dr. Rajesh Bhola is President of Spastic Society of Gurgaon and is working for the cause of children with autism, cerebral palsy, mental retardation and multiple disabilities for more than 20 years.
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