Ego Mania

Dr. Rajesh Bhola

India
Oct 19, 2012
 

Many religions in the world see ego as something that gets in the way of natural, healthy psychological functioning. It can, however, cause a bit of confusion, since most western systems of psychotherapy do not use the word ‘ego’ in the common way. In Sigmund Freud’s structural model of the psyche, id, ego and super-ego are the three parts of the psychic apparatus. According to this model of the psyche, the id is the set of unco-ordinated instinctual trends; the ego is the organised, realistic part; and the super-ego plays the critical and moralising role. For a better understanding of this structure, the iceberg metaphor is used: the entire id, and part of both the ego and the super-ego, is submerged under-water, representing the unconscious mind; and the remaining (smaller) portions of the ego and superego are displayed above water in the conscious mind area. Nikki Giovanni, who was one of five finalists for a Grammy Award, writes her beautiful lines about ‘ego’ in her
‘Ego Tripping’:

I am so perfect so divine so ethereal so surreal
I cannot be comprehended except by my permission

Very aptly said – ego is a fixed sense of self. By holding onto a particular self concept, we close our minds to at least some of the feelings that are constantly bubbling up, and some of the information provided by the impact of external reality. We get into what is called ‘not seeing’. Essentially, this is an attempt to stay in control by closing part of us down. Its effect is simply to keep the painful parts of our life out of view – and, consequently, out of our control. The energy of feelings which arise in us can be harnessed, if they can be sheltered from the ego wind. Sometimes people do not know how to keep their feelings in proportion, because they are constantly driven by the ego wind; they take everything personally, and have no constancy of purpose, other than the self -defeating aim of always trying to feel good. The enlightened person and the destructive person are not fundamentally different in nature. It is just that the destructive person has been swept away in the ego wind. The strength of any character comes from the absence of ego. 

Many people feel as though their lives have not really begun yet. They are waiting for the right conditions to begin. In each life there is a big story and a little story. The little story is the story of the ego. The satisfactions of the ego are real enough, but they are exceedingly transitory. It is nice to be praised, or to meet with success and acclaim; and it is painful to be ridiculed, and to meet with failure and frustration. Such vicissitudes, however, contain nothing lasting or substantial, unless we can conserve the energy from them to serve some great purpose. Real satisfaction arises when the little story is integrated into, or even subsumed within, a big story that is itself worthwhile.    

   

Most people who have made a great contribution in life have gone through a period of disenchantment – a time in the wilderness, during which they not only came to terms with the defeats in their little story, but also found their place in the big one. This conversation in the wilderness, whereby a little life comes out of its individual backwater and enters the mainstream of the big river, is what is meant by enlightenment. By this step, the little ego is overcome. 

Getting upset and taking what has been said by somebody personally causes unnecessary suffering, and clouds the mind. It becomes the case of the fire being caught by the ego wind. Any view is as good as another. We should be open to hear what the other person has to say, to receive criticism, and to consider what is right and wrong compassionately. It is good not to invest our ego in our views, however strong our conviction may be. Opinionated-ness is very close to what most people mean by ego. It is attachment to opinions, that leads to the fire of our passion getting out of control; just as much as, or even more, than the attachment to the pleasures of the senses. Getting caught in ‘point-scoring’ is simply a waste of energy. The correct view towards others is not through our opinion; it is in our willingness to look, listen and flow – we need to become deep listeners, holding our ego at bay. When we are able to control our ego, our mind becomes like the crystal clear water; and, as the interference of ego drops away, the world around us transfigures in radiance.

Dr. Rajesh Bhola is President of Spastic Society of Gurgaon and is working for the cause of children with autism, cerebral palsy, mental retardation and multiple disabilities for more than 20 years