Mind Your Words

Dr. Rajesh Bhola
India
Mar 22, 2013


Words have the power to both create and destroy. They can be received like daggers... or a warm blanket. Words are our representatives. They are the creation of our self; every time we open our mouth, we give the world a glimpse into our personality. While we cannot control other people’s words, we can surely control our own. It is important to pay attention to what comes out of our mouths. It is not appropriate to just say whatever we think; and it is also not okay to say something to someone without first considering why we need to say it. Words do wound. Paulo Coelho rightly says, “Of all the weapons of destruction that man could invent, the most terrible and the most powerful was the word. Daggers and spears left traces of blood, and arrows could be seen from a distance – but the word managed to destroy without leaving any trace.”

There is another aspect to the usage of ‘correct’ words. A lexicon of loathsome words needs to be taken away, as we make faltering steps towards a more global, better connected and tolerant society. Usage of crude stereotyped words and abuse, towards a minority, or the underprivileged, is offensive – and corrosive. People still use unacceptable words against persons with disabilities. This group, still so exiled from mainstream society, is called “retarded” and “mental” by many. Not just in the playground, but in social places, in the office, and online. People make derogatory jokes about
the disabled. 

However, with the population of the disabled having gone up manifold over the last two decades, the fight-back has begun. Special campaigns have been launched. Many pledges are taken by children, who have siblings or friends with special needs. One of the children coming to our organization to drop his sister for special education, says, “All my life I have heard people saying ‘retarded’ and ‘mental’. It makes me really upset. No one understands how hurtful it can be, until you have someone close to you being called that. But far worse than my own bruised sensitivities, such language reflects how we view the world – reinforcing the exclusion of people with disabilities from the rest of society. People with physical disabilities have become figures of fun, and mental incapacity is a term of insult. My sister gets unpleasant stares wherever she goes”. He continues, “It even happens in the US. Some parents complained over the appearance of a children’s television presenter’s missing arm;  a major fashion chain insisted that a similarly-disabled worker be hidden out of sight of customers; and a college allowed classmates to hold a vote to ban a student having Down’s syndrome from a classmate’s farewell party”. 

People should bear in mind that one in six disabled people are born with their disability, and the number of people with disabilities is rising. Despite this, there is so little interaction with disabled people; in fact a majority of people world wide believe that they are ‘inferior’. Given this, it is not surprising that people with disabilities find it so much harder to get jobs, are far more likely to live in poverty, will be paid less and bullied more if they do find work and, increasingly, are victims of hate crime. There are a number of terrible stories of the parents of disabled persons, who killed themselves and their disabled children after facing years of hostility from their neighbours. The reality is that disabled people are regularly mocked, taunted, harassed, hurt and humiliated – with the most vulnerable, those with cerebral palsy and mental disability, suffering the worst. We need to step forward, and offer our respect and inclusion, to more than sixty million of our fellow citizens, who are leading their lives with disabilities. Let us at the very least start to mind our words. 

There is great potential in communication. Many great leaders spend much of their lives communicating. They are exceptionally effective and purposeful communicators. Their purpose is to convey the message of peace, through peace in the heart. They never waste words. Their words are well-chosen. They challenge many basic assumptions. They touch people’s hearts, and move them to positive action. When they speak, they provide a healing touch. There are many examples of people coming to these leaders, and being enlightened and changed by a single conversation. Many of them have gone on to inspire others. In the case of Mahatma Gandhi, the listeners became freedom fighters. All such great men are in a way great warriors; each of them has seen that the true victory is to conquer oneself and one’s words – rather than conquer others.
Dr. Rajesh Bhola is President of Spastic Society of Gurgaon and is working for the cause of children with autism, cerebral palsy, mental retardation and multiple disabilities for more  than 20 years.

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